Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
