she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
