He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
