so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
