I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
