So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
