I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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