ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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