Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
