You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She bit a glass in half.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Are we still banned from the library?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
