She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
