just come out here and I will go home with you...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
