oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
