I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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