your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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