id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
