I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
