Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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