I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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