The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
