Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The air was thick with penises
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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