Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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