Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
