I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
