Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
