New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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