you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
