I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
