I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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