I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think your dad took our porno
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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