There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
