So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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