i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
