Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
