they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
