Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
