Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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