Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
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I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
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He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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