my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
