Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
