How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
