All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
