Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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