I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
