I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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