just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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