I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
