Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
