I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
