WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
