I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
