I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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