just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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