i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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