saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
