saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
