did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
