my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
