the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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