Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he was CRYING into my vagina
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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