It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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