Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize