Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
