he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
