shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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