Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
