just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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